Bully, Uga, Spike, Handsome Dan, and Lola

Paris Hilton recently informed me that dogs make great accessories.

However, my tastes in dogs differ from Paris's. Some small dogs are absolutely adorable to me. I think pugs are fantastic. And I would be happy to carry a pug around with me, except that if I did I would probably spend all my time cooing over it and telling it how cute it is. This would be bad for my image.

But if we're looking at squishy-faced, wrinkly dogs, let's talk about a dog that's good for anyone's image: the English Bulldog.

These guys are adorable, too. But they're called Bulldogs for a reason. They were originally bred to be ferocious, for the sport of bull baiting. You slap a spiked collar around that sweet wrinkly neck, and you have what looks like a killer on your hands. Why do you think so many colleges and universities have a bulldog for their mascot? Just a few are listed above, along with Lola, my niece, who is only the mascot of my heart.

My brother and his wife have the sweetest, cutest English Bulldog ever. I covet this dog. When I grow up, I want an English Bulldog of my own, one that will high-five and slobber and be adorable and ridiculous looking.

You can't buy these guys on the Internet. Buy from a reputable breeder for however much they charge you, and take care of your new silly-looking domesticated gray wolf.